My wind to My eternal candle

Photo courtesy: wehearit

Day IX 

Dear You! 

No one lights a lamp so as to hide it beneath the door;

No one sacrifices the most important  that person possess;

No one places her dream in the hand of a person who might destroy it. 

No one does that. But ME! 

And I had given it to you ...

~Lavender Meadow~

Drinking Hemlock from within me ...

Photo Courtesy: weheartit

Day VI 

Dear You! 

I am trying to sleep but the voices in my head grow stronger with every blink of an eye. The voices in my head are too loud. The flashbacks before my eyes are too vivid.

Suddenly I remember all the things I have done.

Every thought of it pierces my soul with an ice cold dagger. I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes. I can’t stand still for the ghost of my memories catch up to me. So I slowly turn to my side and face the wall and inhale the darkness around me slowly inside. I take a long breath, close my eyes, open them again, close it once more and I see his face.

I smile slowly.

It hurts, it hurts to smile. Something else also hurts. The darkness is closing in on me and is tightening its grip around my neck. I gasp for air. There is none. One last breath! One last memory! One last moment and I wish you were here…

I close my eyes and the dull silence fades. 

~Lavender Meadow~

As it rains on me ...

Picture Courtesy: Weheartit
Quote: cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com

Day V
Dear You! 
It is getting dark outside. The unmerciful grayness in the clouds that linger above my head is getting stronger. It would be a matter of time before it rains down on me. Take me with you... 

If every rain drop that lands on my roof top today could spell my love for you, it would still be less. If every ounce of grayness that looms in the cloud could portray my feeling of missing you, it would still be negligible. On a day like today, when heaven cries for me, I feel a sense of being lifeless to have lived the days with out you so far. Every tap of every tiny drop that falls on my roof dictates the stories of you and me. The memories go vivid of me dancing in the rain in your photo shoot, the after-rain hot chocolate and snuggling up to the warmth of your body, that one velvety touch of your embrace and I swear it was enough to write volumes on it. 

Today as it rains, the drops that hit my roof are no longer a rhythm of solace to my otherwise unruly soul but an utterly painful remainder of what I have lost in choosing another way in life's Junction- the one that did not include you. I wish i knew how to tame these feelings and I know if i don't then a day will come when they will finally burst out of me and run ... run like wild horses towards the darkness disappearing into the dense forest. 

~Lavender Meadow~

You are a beatuful dream, forbidden to me ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit
Quote: Lavender Meadow (cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com)

Day IV

Dear you!

I spent the whole of last night twisting and twirling in agony and grieving in your memory- some made by 'Us' and some a mental construct of mine in a hope to provide some solace to my rambling heart and bleeding eyes. Your memory has caused a hole in my heart and now that my feelings so momentous and grave, have abandoned me, I feel vulnerable to a fall from a touch of a feather. I remember you once told me that "People only believe what they WANT to believe." Your words are the only medium from wherein I connect to sanity. You are the only prudent thought in my otherwise unruly life. You complete me. 

 

I am searching for the perfect word to reveal my heart's anguished desire to claim you as mine for times to come and beyond. The feeling of my bursting heart has got my thoughts and I muddled that I have trouble embellishing 'I Love You' to anyone else, let alone a new lover-yet-to-come in my life. And because it is so hard for me to covey my heart-felt desires to you and that there is no other way to do it , I find it ecstatic  that my written words are an empowering way to speak my heart's rambles and my eyes' bleeding tears.

~Lavender Meadow~

Your memories continue to haunt me

Photo courtesy: Kellie Elmore Blog

Day II 

Dear You!
As usual with my head down and hands in my pocket I walk, not knowing where I am going or where my destiny is. 

I again had a fight with myself. I am a twenty something girl, Lavender. And i am in love ... an unattainably real love!

I let him talk me into this once more. Why do i do it time and again?  Why? 

He promised me it would be worth my time and my fear. But that's what all of them say, don't they? 

Reality good or bad has its own set of limitations but imagination has none. Imagination is but a thought processed by randomness of life. They have no boundaries and limitation unlike reality. I wish you were a figment of my imagination rather than an intrinsic part of my sad-faced reality because I'd like to keep you forever in me.

Imaginations encompasses feeling of randomness and when pushed a little, they run like wild horses.

~Lavender Meadow~

First post

 

 

And sometimes after i wake up, i wish i could  hug my pillow and go back to where i came from for in dreams like Murakami puts it, "there are no boundaries. Reality is harsh. Reality bites..."

This is my first post in this blog. I have no such adamant intentions in mind in opening this blog. I have a blog in wordpress too. But that blog now lacks privacy. Something just cannot be wrote there, i fear judgement. 

I am a constant thinker. My demons in my head though quiet are never really silenced. They spring up in the oddest of hours and in most bizarre of situations. I am not sure if i want them to be quiet for that gives me a push to write! 

I am no super woman. I am just a twenty something girl hanging in life with all the chaos surrounding her. I am just a girl who wants life to make sense. I am just a girl who wants to never stop dreaming  .... I am just someone like you. Come and share your hopes and aspiration, your uphill climb and your down fall with me, and i will do the same. 

I look forward to writing innumerable posts in here. I will be writing on just about everything, anything that constitutes a heartbeat. I also look forward to reading all your posts. 

Keep reading. Keep writing. Never stop dreaming 

~^~Lavender Meadow