My wind to My eternal candle

Photo courtesy: wehearit

Day IX 

Dear You! 

No one lights a lamp so as to hide it beneath the door;

No one sacrifices the most important  that person possess;

No one places her dream in the hand of a person who might destroy it. 

No one does that. But ME! 

And I had given it to you ...

~Lavender Meadow~

Floodgates to memories ...

I know I don't miss you. I miss how i felt
being with you. I miss how you made me feel
when I was with you! 

Day VII

Dear you!

Today is going to be a particularly difficult day for me.  So many memories come flooding in, all at once. Today, I suddenly feel that there is so much more to say and so much more to feel but a vague distant of denseness covers me and I cannot but see the other side. Today I miss you! I woke up in the morning thinking about you, about how your hands wrapped around my waist felt like and in savoring that sweetness I unconsciously opened the flood gates to memories. The anxious every bit of memory of you, and of us came rushing in with a force unbearable to the heart, drenching every ounce of my bitter soul.

The floodgates to memories have opened and the memory wave lashes me from within …

The wind is the same, blows right through me like I am translucently invisible. The bright orange sky from the first ray of light is a lot more charming after yesterday’s storm. The clouds look a lot prettier hanging in the thin air creating a sense of white-awe. If only stars were visible, it was a perfect picturesque image. Everything was in sync with each other. The subtle stillness of wee hours of morning to the rhythmic motion of chirps to the dynamic yet delicate motion of the transition from night to day – everything was in perfect sync with each other enveloping the ironies of nature.

Everything was in sync … but me! You aren't there, how can I be in sync? I am incomplete … 

~Lavender Meadow~

As it rains on me ...

Picture Courtesy: Weheartit
Quote: cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com

Day V
Dear You! 
It is getting dark outside. The unmerciful grayness in the clouds that linger above my head is getting stronger. It would be a matter of time before it rains down on me. Take me with you... 

If every rain drop that lands on my roof top today could spell my love for you, it would still be less. If every ounce of grayness that looms in the cloud could portray my feeling of missing you, it would still be negligible. On a day like today, when heaven cries for me, I feel a sense of being lifeless to have lived the days with out you so far. Every tap of every tiny drop that falls on my roof dictates the stories of you and me. The memories go vivid of me dancing in the rain in your photo shoot, the after-rain hot chocolate and snuggling up to the warmth of your body, that one velvety touch of your embrace and I swear it was enough to write volumes on it. 

Today as it rains, the drops that hit my roof are no longer a rhythm of solace to my otherwise unruly soul but an utterly painful remainder of what I have lost in choosing another way in life's Junction- the one that did not include you. I wish i knew how to tame these feelings and I know if i don't then a day will come when they will finally burst out of me and run ... run like wild horses towards the darkness disappearing into the dense forest. 

~Lavender Meadow~

You are a beatuful dream, forbidden to me ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit
Quote: Lavender Meadow (cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com)

Day IV

Dear you!

I spent the whole of last night twisting and twirling in agony and grieving in your memory- some made by 'Us' and some a mental construct of mine in a hope to provide some solace to my rambling heart and bleeding eyes. Your memory has caused a hole in my heart and now that my feelings so momentous and grave, have abandoned me, I feel vulnerable to a fall from a touch of a feather. I remember you once told me that "People only believe what they WANT to believe." Your words are the only medium from wherein I connect to sanity. You are the only prudent thought in my otherwise unruly life. You complete me. 

 

I am searching for the perfect word to reveal my heart's anguished desire to claim you as mine for times to come and beyond. The feeling of my bursting heart has got my thoughts and I muddled that I have trouble embellishing 'I Love You' to anyone else, let alone a new lover-yet-to-come in my life. And because it is so hard for me to covey my heart-felt desires to you and that there is no other way to do it , I find it ecstatic  that my written words are an empowering way to speak my heart's rambles and my eyes' bleeding tears.

~Lavender Meadow~

Learning to Exist without you ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit(dot)com
You were my light when I was too blind to see the darkness ....

Day III
Dear You!
This particular post is from the last 'so-called' breakup we had during the day following my birthday. It still resonates a lot now, especially now, that i know we can't be together for a force greater than us is pulling our world apart and we are but mere collateral damage in the fight.
 

The meanings are meaningless. The truth hides behind the lies. The life leads itself on a lie. Life flies away in a blink of an eye. It's amazing how a blink of an eye can get us blind! There is this subtle and dull but an everlasting feeling of hollowness inside of me. Despite being surrounded by a thousand beautiful souls everyday, my heart still has the autonomy to feel lonely. There are times when i feel that what I did was a wrong step to take. At other times I wish I did not have to do what I had to do. I deeply wish at times, that there were ways to undo the done and to do the undone. I wish I could as easily move on as you think I do by forcing myself to believe on 'let bygone be gone'. But life is not that easy. Life is not easy at all. It is not all bed of blossoms or differentiated as Black or White. It is rather in the hues produced from the mixture of Black and White. It's all Grey, different shades of Grey. Life is a uphill battle between You and the rocks you encounter while stalling towards your destiny.

For now, i wish i was Clementine and I wish my life was 'Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind'. I wish i could delete what i had. I wish in the process of deleting what i had, i could delete my existence from you, from this world and from myself.

~Lavender Meadow~

My love for you ...

Day I 

Dear you! 

Life is but a bundle of choices for me. It is a journey inward. It is a voyage towards the end of light via the darkest tunnel possible. Life is a never ending endeavor filled with a slight sense of happiness but a lot of remorse and  sorrow. Life is like a flower blooming in the garden - fresh and beautiful until the moment a bee sucks all the nectar away leaving nothing but a hollow sense of self-loss. Would it not be beautiful to live in a self created figment of imaginary world, a world far reach from the stringent reality? 

If only my love was a light year i would show you the universe inside of me I made especially for you. A universe created from figment of my imagination where you and i live till the ends of time. A universe where all parallel universes co-exists with you and me only! 

If only our imagination had the power to build what we dream. If only my imagination had the power to envelop mine and your universe collectively and frame a self-defining perfect 'us' in it. 

If only ... 

~Lavender Meadow~