My wind to My eternal candle

Photo courtesy: wehearit

Day IX 

Dear You! 

No one lights a lamp so as to hide it beneath the door;

No one sacrifices the most important  that person possess;

No one places her dream in the hand of a person who might destroy it. 

No one does that. But ME! 

And I had given it to you ...

~Lavender Meadow~

Someday

"Someday" is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you..

-Timothy Ferriss

I can't Fake any longer

Photo Courtesy: weheartit

Day VIII

Dear You! 

but

if you could see what I see

you might see why I need you here with me

and

If you could feel what I feel

We might be lead to feel that love is real

Cause

I can’t fake it no more

You put a bolt on the door

and I

can’t runaway

so I guess the only choice left is to..

stay…

~Lavender Meadow~

Drinking Hemlock from within me ...

Photo Courtesy: weheartit

Day VI 

Dear You! 

I am trying to sleep but the voices in my head grow stronger with every blink of an eye. The voices in my head are too loud. The flashbacks before my eyes are too vivid.

Suddenly I remember all the things I have done.

Every thought of it pierces my soul with an ice cold dagger. I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes. I can’t stand still for the ghost of my memories catch up to me. So I slowly turn to my side and face the wall and inhale the darkness around me slowly inside. I take a long breath, close my eyes, open them again, close it once more and I see his face.

I smile slowly.

It hurts, it hurts to smile. Something else also hurts. The darkness is closing in on me and is tightening its grip around my neck. I gasp for air. There is none. One last breath! One last memory! One last moment and I wish you were here…

I close my eyes and the dull silence fades. 

~Lavender Meadow~

As it rains on me ...

Picture Courtesy: Weheartit
Quote: cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com

Day V
Dear You! 
It is getting dark outside. The unmerciful grayness in the clouds that linger above my head is getting stronger. It would be a matter of time before it rains down on me. Take me with you... 

If every rain drop that lands on my roof top today could spell my love for you, it would still be less. If every ounce of grayness that looms in the cloud could portray my feeling of missing you, it would still be negligible. On a day like today, when heaven cries for me, I feel a sense of being lifeless to have lived the days with out you so far. Every tap of every tiny drop that falls on my roof dictates the stories of you and me. The memories go vivid of me dancing in the rain in your photo shoot, the after-rain hot chocolate and snuggling up to the warmth of your body, that one velvety touch of your embrace and I swear it was enough to write volumes on it. 

Today as it rains, the drops that hit my roof are no longer a rhythm of solace to my otherwise unruly soul but an utterly painful remainder of what I have lost in choosing another way in life's Junction- the one that did not include you. I wish i knew how to tame these feelings and I know if i don't then a day will come when they will finally burst out of me and run ... run like wild horses towards the darkness disappearing into the dense forest. 

~Lavender Meadow~

You are a beatuful dream, forbidden to me ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit
Quote: Lavender Meadow (cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com)

Day IV

Dear you!

I spent the whole of last night twisting and twirling in agony and grieving in your memory- some made by 'Us' and some a mental construct of mine in a hope to provide some solace to my rambling heart and bleeding eyes. Your memory has caused a hole in my heart and now that my feelings so momentous and grave, have abandoned me, I feel vulnerable to a fall from a touch of a feather. I remember you once told me that "People only believe what they WANT to believe." Your words are the only medium from wherein I connect to sanity. You are the only prudent thought in my otherwise unruly life. You complete me. 

 

I am searching for the perfect word to reveal my heart's anguished desire to claim you as mine for times to come and beyond. The feeling of my bursting heart has got my thoughts and I muddled that I have trouble embellishing 'I Love You' to anyone else, let alone a new lover-yet-to-come in my life. And because it is so hard for me to covey my heart-felt desires to you and that there is no other way to do it , I find it ecstatic  that my written words are an empowering way to speak my heart's rambles and my eyes' bleeding tears.

~Lavender Meadow~

Learning to Exist without you ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit(dot)com
You were my light when I was too blind to see the darkness ....

Day III
Dear You!
This particular post is from the last 'so-called' breakup we had during the day following my birthday. It still resonates a lot now, especially now, that i know we can't be together for a force greater than us is pulling our world apart and we are but mere collateral damage in the fight.
 

The meanings are meaningless. The truth hides behind the lies. The life leads itself on a lie. Life flies away in a blink of an eye. It's amazing how a blink of an eye can get us blind! There is this subtle and dull but an everlasting feeling of hollowness inside of me. Despite being surrounded by a thousand beautiful souls everyday, my heart still has the autonomy to feel lonely. There are times when i feel that what I did was a wrong step to take. At other times I wish I did not have to do what I had to do. I deeply wish at times, that there were ways to undo the done and to do the undone. I wish I could as easily move on as you think I do by forcing myself to believe on 'let bygone be gone'. But life is not that easy. Life is not easy at all. It is not all bed of blossoms or differentiated as Black or White. It is rather in the hues produced from the mixture of Black and White. It's all Grey, different shades of Grey. Life is a uphill battle between You and the rocks you encounter while stalling towards your destiny.

For now, i wish i was Clementine and I wish my life was 'Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind'. I wish i could delete what i had. I wish in the process of deleting what i had, i could delete my existence from you, from this world and from myself.

~Lavender Meadow~

Your memories continue to haunt me

Photo courtesy: Kellie Elmore Blog

Day II 

Dear You!
As usual with my head down and hands in my pocket I walk, not knowing where I am going or where my destiny is. 

I again had a fight with myself. I am a twenty something girl, Lavender. And i am in love ... an unattainably real love!

I let him talk me into this once more. Why do i do it time and again?  Why? 

He promised me it would be worth my time and my fear. But that's what all of them say, don't they? 

Reality good or bad has its own set of limitations but imagination has none. Imagination is but a thought processed by randomness of life. They have no boundaries and limitation unlike reality. I wish you were a figment of my imagination rather than an intrinsic part of my sad-faced reality because I'd like to keep you forever in me.

Imaginations encompasses feeling of randomness and when pushed a little, they run like wild horses.

~Lavender Meadow~

A moment of infinity - #FWF

Quote from: Perks of being a wallflower

Life is but bundle of memories - some beautiful and some less beautiful. Memories are never sorrowful or less joyous phenomena. However, they can be pleasuring or dis-pleasuring depending on the present context of  remembrance. 

This is one such reminiscence of one such memory ... 

We stood facing the same direction - overlooking a majestic view of blue hills. I wanted the moment to last - forever. He slowly moved his hands caught hold of mine. I froze, I wanted him to engulf me completely in his warmth. He brushed his thumbs gently against mine. It was a tender gesture. A glimpse of hope, i reckoned. However his touch felt like a loose invisible thread binding his soul to mine uncertain of when it might break leaving us stranded of each others company. He then took both my hands and cupped them into his, making me turn to face him. Probably this meant nothing to him but for me it was enough to write volumes on his touch. I slowly looked up and gazed right into his eyes which were already gazing at mine and he then beamed a smile.
It was his touch ... just A touch!

And in that moment i swear, we were infinite.

My love for you ...

Day I 

Dear you! 

Life is but a bundle of choices for me. It is a journey inward. It is a voyage towards the end of light via the darkest tunnel possible. Life is a never ending endeavor filled with a slight sense of happiness but a lot of remorse and  sorrow. Life is like a flower blooming in the garden - fresh and beautiful until the moment a bee sucks all the nectar away leaving nothing but a hollow sense of self-loss. Would it not be beautiful to live in a self created figment of imaginary world, a world far reach from the stringent reality? 

If only my love was a light year i would show you the universe inside of me I made especially for you. A universe created from figment of my imagination where you and i live till the ends of time. A universe where all parallel universes co-exists with you and me only! 

If only our imagination had the power to build what we dream. If only my imagination had the power to envelop mine and your universe collectively and frame a self-defining perfect 'us' in it. 

If only ... 

~Lavender Meadow~

FWF: and there she stood waiting ...

only if we had a bridge in our lives to mend the lag ...

There she stood on the other edge of her world waiting and hoping. 

The times that were spent, the kisses that were kissed leaves her body tingling.

She's waiting for him; She's waiting to get connected to the other side.

She has his picture glued to her heart and nothing on her mind.

 

The sudden lag in the bridge is much too much to overpass.

The more she waits, the more she hopes, the more it tends to impasse.

Clutching her soul from within and leaving behind her ousted heart,

She slowly turns away from the wait even though it tears her apart. 

 

She reminisces what happened and what could have happened;

The more she ponders, the more her soul gets dampened. 

The bereaved soul can only go so far; Time is of the essence.

She can only hope her wait is worth the coalescence. 

This is my first post in FWF. Please bear with me, if this is not the way to write. I will be writing in more. Visit http://kellieelmore.com/free-write-friday/ for more information, if you are interested.
Cheers!