I can't Fake any longer

Photo Courtesy: weheartit

Day VIII

Dear You! 

but

if you could see what I see

you might see why I need you here with me

and

If you could feel what I feel

We might be lead to feel that love is real

Cause

I can’t fake it no more

You put a bolt on the door

and I

can’t runaway

so I guess the only choice left is to..

stay…

~Lavender Meadow~

Floodgates to memories ...

I know I don't miss you. I miss how i felt
being with you. I miss how you made me feel
when I was with you! 

Day VII

Dear you!

Today is going to be a particularly difficult day for me.  So many memories come flooding in, all at once. Today, I suddenly feel that there is so much more to say and so much more to feel but a vague distant of denseness covers me and I cannot but see the other side. Today I miss you! I woke up in the morning thinking about you, about how your hands wrapped around my waist felt like and in savoring that sweetness I unconsciously opened the flood gates to memories. The anxious every bit of memory of you, and of us came rushing in with a force unbearable to the heart, drenching every ounce of my bitter soul.

The floodgates to memories have opened and the memory wave lashes me from within …

The wind is the same, blows right through me like I am translucently invisible. The bright orange sky from the first ray of light is a lot more charming after yesterday’s storm. The clouds look a lot prettier hanging in the thin air creating a sense of white-awe. If only stars were visible, it was a perfect picturesque image. Everything was in sync with each other. The subtle stillness of wee hours of morning to the rhythmic motion of chirps to the dynamic yet delicate motion of the transition from night to day – everything was in perfect sync with each other enveloping the ironies of nature.

Everything was in sync … but me! You aren't there, how can I be in sync? I am incomplete … 

~Lavender Meadow~

Drinking Hemlock from within me ...

Photo Courtesy: weheartit

Day VI 

Dear You! 

I am trying to sleep but the voices in my head grow stronger with every blink of an eye. The voices in my head are too loud. The flashbacks before my eyes are too vivid.

Suddenly I remember all the things I have done.

Every thought of it pierces my soul with an ice cold dagger. I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes. I can’t stand still for the ghost of my memories catch up to me. So I slowly turn to my side and face the wall and inhale the darkness around me slowly inside. I take a long breath, close my eyes, open them again, close it once more and I see his face.

I smile slowly.

It hurts, it hurts to smile. Something else also hurts. The darkness is closing in on me and is tightening its grip around my neck. I gasp for air. There is none. One last breath! One last memory! One last moment and I wish you were here…

I close my eyes and the dull silence fades. 

~Lavender Meadow~

You are a beatuful dream, forbidden to me ...

Photo courtesy: weheartit
Quote: Lavender Meadow (cascadingveilofdarknes.blogspot.com)

Day IV

Dear you!

I spent the whole of last night twisting and twirling in agony and grieving in your memory- some made by 'Us' and some a mental construct of mine in a hope to provide some solace to my rambling heart and bleeding eyes. Your memory has caused a hole in my heart and now that my feelings so momentous and grave, have abandoned me, I feel vulnerable to a fall from a touch of a feather. I remember you once told me that "People only believe what they WANT to believe." Your words are the only medium from wherein I connect to sanity. You are the only prudent thought in my otherwise unruly life. You complete me. 

 

I am searching for the perfect word to reveal my heart's anguished desire to claim you as mine for times to come and beyond. The feeling of my bursting heart has got my thoughts and I muddled that I have trouble embellishing 'I Love You' to anyone else, let alone a new lover-yet-to-come in my life. And because it is so hard for me to covey my heart-felt desires to you and that there is no other way to do it , I find it ecstatic  that my written words are an empowering way to speak my heart's rambles and my eyes' bleeding tears.

~Lavender Meadow~

Your memories continue to haunt me

Photo courtesy: Kellie Elmore Blog

Day II 

Dear You!
As usual with my head down and hands in my pocket I walk, not knowing where I am going or where my destiny is. 

I again had a fight with myself. I am a twenty something girl, Lavender. And i am in love ... an unattainably real love!

I let him talk me into this once more. Why do i do it time and again?  Why? 

He promised me it would be worth my time and my fear. But that's what all of them say, don't they? 

Reality good or bad has its own set of limitations but imagination has none. Imagination is but a thought processed by randomness of life. They have no boundaries and limitation unlike reality. I wish you were a figment of my imagination rather than an intrinsic part of my sad-faced reality because I'd like to keep you forever in me.

Imaginations encompasses feeling of randomness and when pushed a little, they run like wild horses.

~Lavender Meadow~

A moment of infinity - #FWF

Quote from: Perks of being a wallflower

Life is but bundle of memories - some beautiful and some less beautiful. Memories are never sorrowful or less joyous phenomena. However, they can be pleasuring or dis-pleasuring depending on the present context of  remembrance. 

This is one such reminiscence of one such memory ... 

We stood facing the same direction - overlooking a majestic view of blue hills. I wanted the moment to last - forever. He slowly moved his hands caught hold of mine. I froze, I wanted him to engulf me completely in his warmth. He brushed his thumbs gently against mine. It was a tender gesture. A glimpse of hope, i reckoned. However his touch felt like a loose invisible thread binding his soul to mine uncertain of when it might break leaving us stranded of each others company. He then took both my hands and cupped them into his, making me turn to face him. Probably this meant nothing to him but for me it was enough to write volumes on his touch. I slowly looked up and gazed right into his eyes which were already gazing at mine and he then beamed a smile.
It was his touch ... just A touch!

And in that moment i swear, we were infinite.